The Void
Gravity and Grace
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The Void — Friday 26th Jun ‘26
I’ve been reading Gravity And Grace by Simone Weil recently, it’s a collection of her writings and I absolutely adore it. She talks about “the void” a lot, I’ve been thinking about voids quite a bit recently (for obvious reasons if you know me), and her writing about them really resonated with me.
When I say “the void”, I don’t mean that we’re all broken wandering round with a big hole inside us, waiting for someone else to come along and fill it. I mean something more like an open space?? The fact we are human, that we cannot keep everything we love forever, and that on some level we knew this, even when things are “going well”
Weil writes about the void not as something to be feared, but something to be paid attention to. It’s always there, in some form, we’re just not very good at looking at it a lot of the time.
I’ve had a number of long term relationships in my life, and when they ended there’s always this sudden space. Time that belonged to someone else, thoughts that had somewhere to go and now don’t, little routines that no longer make any sense. It can feel as though the other person created this space by leaving, as though they’ve taken a big old hunk of you with them.
BUT Weil, in her infinite wisdom, gives a better route. The void was already there!! Love can’t fill it, only change how we relate to it.
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I think that’s partly why breakups hurt so much, on either side. You miss the person obviously, but you’re also suddenly reminded that ALL things end and someone can matter so much to you and not remain in your life forever. This is obvious of course but breakups have a way of shoving that in your face very forcefully.
Weil also writes that attention is “the purest form of generosity”, I have probably misinterpreted it but regardless I have been trying to internalise that message over the last few weeks. Not by pretending heartbreak is some wonderful spiritual gift, but by trying not to treat every feeling of absence as a problem that needs to be solved.
A breakup does not destroy the outline of your life, it merely reveals what was already there. There’s something important in treating that outline with love and grace without rushing to cram stuff into it before you have had chance to understand it yourself.
No one knows what the future will hold (god cliche alert) but shoving your face full of ignorance pie while the void is sat there trying to speak to you will do current you OR future you no good at all. I guess I’m saying that I’m trying to stop treating the void like something that needs FIXING, and instead treat it like another part of myself that deserves a bit of care.
Frankly I think that’s something we ALL have to do. Not only when a relationship ends, but all the time (he says after only doing it when a relationship ends hehe.)
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The void does not dissappear when we fall in love, and it does not suddenly appear when that connection falters. It’s there all the time. Understanding it and learning to care for it is part of learning to love ourselves.
As Ru Paul (part of me thinks he got cancelled but I’m not sure) likes to say, if you don’t love yourself how are you going to love somebody else? Then he asks everyone to say amen and they all say amen so you should do that now.