My Belly Button
STOP SAYING FLUFF
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My belly button — Tuesday 21st Jul ‘26
My belly button seems to attract fluff. I don’t know why, I’m not overweight (if that makes a difference??) but there’s obviously something with the shape of it that means fluff gets caught in there somehow. There’s a gravity to it that lint and bits of t-shirt can’t help but get caught in it.
I haven’t asked anyone else if they get a load of belly button fluff, its one of those private things I guess. I presume there’s a whole host of people out there with the same affliction.
I find it always surprises me. It happens so regularly but I still act like it’s some freak occurrence. I suppose I don’t identify as a “belly button fluff” guy, it doesn’t feel very becoming.
In some ways it horrifies me, it IS disgusting. I wouldn’t be surprised if you yourself, reading this have had your opinion lowered of me (if you know me at all). But there seems to be nothing I can do to stop it. It’s not like picking a scab or eating a bogie, it sneaks in there throughout the day and I seem powerless to stop it.
As I write this, I’m reminded of a world record I read about as a kid. I used to get the guiness world records every year and pour myself over them. I don’t know how my parents put up with me talking constantly about how tall the tallest man is, or how fast the fastest one-legged marathon was. I am very fortunate to be their child.
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Anyway, I have some vague memory of a man (because of course it was a man) breaking the record for owning the largest collection of belly button fluff. I don’t have google to hand so I can’t verify this, but in my mind’s eye I can see the picture of his face partially obscured behind one of his jars of fluff.
I do not, and will not collect my fluff. I mostly remove it when I take my clothes off to go for a shower, then throw it in the toilet or sink.
I have now reached the end of my ability to read or hear in my head the word “fluff”. It no longer sounds real. I think it’s high time I got on with my day.
[DRAWING OF HORRIBLE MAN WITH FLUFF JAR]
This is what I remember in my head. I don’t remember him looking evil but I can’t draw so that’s how he came out. In any case collecting your fluff is, if not evil, spiritually bereft, so I don’t think I’m too far off.